Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Send us your red pen sentences!

Luckily most people don't use red pen any more when they mark student work. Sometimes you might get a cross (x) or even nasty note in your margin and not really know the reason why.

Well here's your golden opportunity to vent your frustration and find out why your finely-crafted sentence was so red pen worthy.

Submit your sentence to comments, by:
  • Selecting anonymous OR
  • Google Blogger OR
  • Name/URL.
The Owls and Possums will do their utmost to give you a solution (if we possibly can).
Remember: we've had the red pen treatment, too!

Brady, Susanna and Andrea


Roddy said...

I am an education student from UniSA and I have two sentences:

Students study with fun is also a good way in education.

In addition, although students can have access to literacy on study through playing computer games, computer games offered negative effect on students.


Anonymous said...

Hi Roddy

You seem to be having trouble putting your ideas into English because you are following the grammar rules of your first language.

So I suggest for the first sentence:

Using fun as a tool in education is a good way to help students study.

For the second sentence:

Even though computer games can develop student literacy they can have a negative effect on students as well.

I hope this helps

Susanna Carter

Angela said...

I am also a student from UniSA and I have three sentences from my literature review (two go together):

Every coin has two sides. Rather than focus on weanesses Knipe (2007) suggests it is important to recognise the strengths of digital technology.

In comparison 'Digital Immigrants' means the generations who have not grown up in such time.

Andrea said...

Hi Angela

I'd like to refer, particularly to your first two sentences:

Rather than saying 'every coin has two sides' (which is rather colloquial and does not have the formal style required for academic writing), why not try:

Alternatively, Knipe (2007) suggests

On the other hand...

In contrast...

An alternative view is offered by Knipe (2007) who suggests...

Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Dear Angela,
Regarding your second sentence, I suggest you start with, In Comparison OR By contrast. However then you cannot really write that "'Digital Immigrants' means etc......" because we usually use 'means' when we're giving a very precise dictionary meaning. Here you're discussing a term so you can write, "the term
'Digital Immigrants' refers to the generations who have not grown up in such time" OR to make your meaning even clearer, "the term
'Digital Immigrants' refers to the generations who have not grown up using computers".

I hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

I have a student who does something odd with her sentences. I can tell how they SHOULD be written, but can't figure out WHY they should be this way. (They sound better isn't really what I'm looking for.)

“Are you almost done, Mark?” for the millionth time questioned Anna.

should be: . . . questioned Anna for the millionth time.

"Let’s go on that rollercoaster!” weakly said Anna.

should be: . . . Anna said weakly.

So, could I get some good reasons WHY? I hate to red-pen her without explaining what she's doing wrong.

virginia hussin said...

Well, you could explain to your student that ADVERBS of MANNER, that is, when we want to focus on how something is done (e.g. well, slowly, evenly)usually go after the verb or in the end position in a sentence or clause ie Anna said weakly. This is the same for adverbial phrases that indicate manner ie 'questioned Anna for the millionth time'.

There are different rules for adverbs of place, time and frequency as simplified here.